‘Arts Council Wanker’: a song

I look forward to hearing from any interested composers.


Dear Sir Mr Councillor

I’m sorry I can’t write to meet your needs

‘Cause I know you need help looking after

People without legs in York and Leeds


And I’m sure that it’s a very worthy thing

But I don’t know about not having legs


And don’t ask me what the poor kids like

Apart from putting things on spikes,

I just don’t know…

I think that’s it…


I hear you say turn to the wrinklies

They have stories of old times to dramatise

And they are wise


But I don’t care about the war or Vicks or ginger cake


And I’m wise too

And I’m young

And I’m poor

And I’m disabled…

… Without ability to put on a good show with funding…


I’ve given out more than my share

Of plastic ducks without a purpose

In the street

That’s charity


Now it’s my turn

Please hear my cry…

… I’m two grand shy…


I don’t often make demands

I am a simple kind of girl

With simple needs…

…Don’t your heart bleed?


I don’t need drugs or operations

But I’ve broken my left wrist n’ arm three times…

…And I can rhymes…


I could have paid for singing lessons

Pyrotechs and juggling dogs

That’s all I want

That’s all I need


So forgive me if I’m not nice

And I cannot help you out

I do my best…

I give to R.A.G….


I don’t have anything big to say

No profound gestures of important themes…

I wear nice jeans…?


…Please give me some money anyway…

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