On Hot and Cold

I am interested in vibes. How and what kind of vibes we put out into the world, and how those vibes attract reaction from others. In particular, I have noticed these vibes more since my latest relationship ended about four months ago. I’ve heard that when you come out of a long relationship, you experience a sort of release of energy, and you give off the ‘freshly single’ vibe, (Sorry, this sounds a bit horrid, but I couldn’t think of a better way to put it) attracting the attention of potential love interests like a dog on heat (So sorry.)

And I can well imagine this. What I was not prepared for, though, was the amount of back-and-forth attention that came my way. Somehow I seem to have been presented with more complication than when I was at the end of my relationship. Attention came, yes, but it came and went. Ebbed and flowed. More than one person has shown interest in me, to the point where it seemed like they might do something about it, and then just as quickly seemingly changed their mind. What is this about? Do I just smell bad up close? I’d love it to be that simple. But, of course, it probably isn’t.

I find it a bit tedious playing games with people myself. If I want something, I say so. Maybe that’s boring. Maybe my sense of evolved, civilised romancing is underdeveloped. Maybe I’m old before my time. But I just can’t be bothered. It actually puts me off people in a big way. People are complimenting me and then finding a way to retract the sentiment, which is just rude where I’m from. Unless the retraction is made in an obviously ingenuous, silly way that conveys even more heartfelt affection than the compliment itself. In which case, we probably get on pretty well…

If you’re going to make me feel special just to take it away again, you can keep your mouth shut in the first place, thanks. I’m quite happy receiving no attention at all, especially if this is the alternative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m open to positive attention and love. I have a lot of love for my friends and dear ones. But what’s happening at the moment is kind of equivalent to a three-year-old handing you something they’ve made, as a present, and then before you’ve figured out what it is, taking it away again.

It’s not even just a two-step story. The attention comes, goes, comes back again. The hot and cold runs for a while. I’m aware that everyone changes their mind about other people, and respect that right, but there are respectful ways to handle those changes, which aren’t being exercised.

Maybe I’ve  been off the market too long to understand. Maybe I just don’t get people. But I am starting to think it’s me. I must be giving off some pretty strange vibes.

One thing I’ve always noticed, freshly-single or not, is that I do not often attract honorable attention. I have banter, other people’s boyfriend’s flirt with me; (Not yours, don’t worry) generally people err on the side of inappropriate with me. Apparently my Dad always found himself in love traingles when he was younger. We seem to follow patterns. Perhaps mine is because I am quite straightforward and not easily offended, and enjoy a good sense of humour. I’m down to earth and take a lot in my stride, even if I pretend not to for the sake of conversation. (Does that kind of cancel out what I just said about being straightforward? Whoops. I guess truth is contradiction.) I am fairly free. An open book. I’m blogging about my love life for goodness’ sake. But that doesn’t work with everyone.

You can certainly have that kind of relationship with some. But at the moment, in my life, it feels like it’s everyone. That’s unfair. A majority. What am I doing wrong? What does it take to project a vibe of wifeyness as opposed to half-hearted mess-around? I don’t mean that as it sounds. I don’t want to be a wife right now. But that kind of honorable, respectful, I-like-who-you-are-and-want-to-impress-and-protect-you attention is missing from my life. It’s not always necessary, and I think maybe all this strangeness (aside from being a fascinating open lesson in human behaviour) is a good sign that I could actually benefit from some time away from any attention.

It’s not as if I find myself in one-night-stands either. I don’t tend to put myself in situations in which they are a likely outcome. But I find it bizarre to be stuck in the middle. No Man’s Land. This is not a woe-is-me post. Just a pondering.

What it all makes me want to do is retreat a little bit. Stop being so open. Remember that time when I only talked about relationships once they were established and going well. (Maybe I should stop blogging, even.) Stop consulting with friends, reading between the lines, and conversing via written word as opposed to in person. Regress to a simpler time.

So what is this post about? What is the point? Perhaps just a kindly ask that people be respectful in matters of the heart. Be gentle with each other, and be honest. I think that’s one thing that could make the world a better place.

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4 thoughts on “On Hot and Cold

  1. “One thing I’ve always noticed, freshly-single or not, is that I do not often attract honorable attention.”

    “I don’t want to be a wife right now.”

    “Does that kind of cancel out what I just said about being straightforward?”

    What do you want? You don’t have to answer me personally. But it is a question to ask yourself.

    Also, people are going to draw conclusions about you from your own self-presentation.

    “But that kind of honorable, respectful, I-like-who-you-are-and-want-to-impress-and-protect-you attention is missing from my life. It’s not always necessary, and I think maybe all this strangeness (aside from being a fascinating open lesson in human behaviour) is a good sign that I could actually benefit from some time away from any attention.”

    So you come across and tell what is “missing from my life” on the one hand, but offer no hope of a relationship because you opine that “some time away from any attention” is a good sign, but for who? The person that might be interested in you and shows interest?

    • I think no one truly knows what they’re looking for until it happens. Until you get to that point, the best you can do is be honest and respectful, hence that is the only conclusion I reached by the end of this post! Obviously there are conflicting thoughts here. That’s partly why I write; to work through my thoughts. :)

  2. Pingback: The Art of Self Confidence – Plain Truth 40 « chocolatecoveredliesdotcom

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