13 Things I Have Cleaned up from the Floor of a Cinema. Unlucky.

  1. Popcorn – whole and crushed. You stepped on yours, did you? Fuck you.
  2. Drinks – cupped, spilt, and precariously balanced at just the right angle so that I know I can only tip them on myself when picking them up.
  3. Used tissues – Just no. Please. No more. This should not be anyone’s job. Do you do this at home? Gross.
  4. Used nappies – which, by the way, there are special bins for, nicely labelled. It astounds me where mums will change nappies. On seats, (Oh, yes, even yours!) ON THE STAIRS, (!) in the hall, in doorways. Are they stupid or just smugly aware that people are extra careful around parents with babies because the parents aren’t?
  5. Wee
  6. Poo
  7. Vomit
  8. Blood
  9. The other stuff that comes out of humans. Namely men. In a Kickass screening. In which the one female character is about 11.
  10. A pair of tights, sans any sign of any packaging. Perhaps they were so excited that they accidentally took the packaging home with them instead of the (obviously new and not from a pair of legs) tights
  11. Money – If you’re wondering where your last 20p went, it’s in the tip jar. Which, frankly, I think we deserve, for having to clean up after you. If you disagree, be more careful. This is Stupidity Tax.
  12. My self-respect
  13. My hope of avoiding spoilers – if you’re on your way out of a film, walking past people waiting to go into said film, for goodness’ sake, think. In fact, just don’t open your mouth until you’ve left the building. Maybe the street. And most certainly don’t put spoilers on social networks.

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