Secret Smoker

The following is the beginning of a short film screenplay I started writing a while ago. One of my half-baked ideas from the backlog.


‘Let’s Call It Off’ by Peter, Bjorn & John overlaid.
Girl sneaks outside for a cigarette. Secret smoker. Sits against a garden wall, hidden from view from the house. She lights the cigarette, and smokes it during the following. Sings intermittently, only knows chorus.


He said…

Timed so that ‘Let’s call the whole thing off’ follows the above line.

Well, he might as well have.

He should have.

Cut to headshot of beautiful man smiling, looking just past camera, at girl (unseen).

Cut back to girl against wall.

He said. I can’t stay. Not while you have that in your hand. That thing separates us. That thing of…

Looks at the cigarette.

Warmth. Thing of Jazz. Cool. Cool people don’t get lonely.

Notices a cat atop the garden wall beside her, as it mews at her.

If I got reincarnated I’d come back as you. You’d love that. A cat that smokes. Imagine.

Lying down all day. Not getting paid for it though. I’d get fed. But I wouldn’t lose any weight… I could just smoke, and pretend I was choicey with food. A cat that refuses inferior brands, and smokes. Yeah. Cat.

Cat, after coming down to be stroked, leaps back up onto the wall.

How cool are we?

Housemate pokes head round the corner of the wall. Girl makes ironic, futile attempt to hide cigarette. Beat. Housemate sits with her.


What would he say?


He did already.


What did he say?


Look, I would be a cat.


Spider Monkey.




Spider Monkey.


Do I look – don’t actually.

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