Yoga

 

Last night I went to my first ever yoga class. Yoga is something I have tried bits of, and always wanted to give a proper go, but the chance to get to know a friend’s girlfriend who’s just moved into the area was just the push I needed.

Yoga was mainly what I expected. Quiet, calming, stretching, gentle but thorough, and full of the stereotypes. The big townhouse that looked like Yummy Mummy Central and reminded me of London and all its multi-faceted hidden rooms hosting innumerable cultured, busy, independent people. There was a doorbell, a warm greeting, a shoe rack. Everyone was spoken to by name. I wanted to fart at one point, but I held it in.

What I didn’t expect was the state of mind it brought about in me. I am aware of the intentions behind yoga, but I had never really experienced this. Except once, and that being as part of a theatre exercise in which we were highly encouraged to ‘feel’ and ‘connect’, to a point possibly more intensive than a yoga class might do. But here I felt something different, more gentle. Lying on the floor in a room full of strangers, drifting, as we cooled down – I felt inspired. Not with lots of ideas rushing into my mind, but just… ready. I felt like I could do anything. I was ready to write, to be creative.

I had a feeling that I remember having before, and having been told to feel in years of writing lessons – every thought is valid. Write everything down, and write every day. Don’t lose anything. It is all worth keeping. Suddenly the thought I’d had earlier in a brief moment at a cash machine as I glimpsed a T-shirt and thought of someone, then poetically had them distinguish themselves by moving slightly to the side and reveal a difference in the T-shirt, (does this make any sense?) was not silly anymore. I could stop berating myself for these thoughts as they happened, and embrace them again. Fall back into my old romantic ways. See my life as a story. Which feels great.

I am going to go back. The atmosphere, tempo and resulting feeling of this exercise suited me down to the ground. I hope this will become part of a healthy routine that I don’t get bored with (which I tend to do, being a typical Gemini.) If I do this every week, I could end up producing a lot more creative work, which has been lacking for quite a while now.

So, excited and content. More to come.

 

Priorities and Compromises

Yesterday I made an executive decision with myself. After some thought, I sat myself down and figured out how to place my words. Respectful consideration is paramount when dealing with oneself.

I told myself that I needed more Me Time. I am going to relish my spare time, (because there is actually some spare when all is done, after all) as opposed to hunting it down and cramming it with whatever business/social homework/catch-up ‘needs’ doing. I do need those things. But not always more than I need some time to just sit and be.

Tonight, in a rather delicate state induced by the enjoyment of last night, I found myself watching The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. Anime is wonderful for a hangover. I’m in just the right state of mind to enjoy the epic conceptual exploration and the indulgent visuals, while also having my guard low enough to really get caught up in the emotion. And what wonderful stories! Time travel makes my head, and heart, hurt. Who could ever deal with the notion that there are a number of different (parallel for them) realities, in one of which people they know have died? Who could keep up with it? I have enough trouble organising one plane of reality in my life. And who could, having found out such a thing, exist without going insane in a world where they feel like they are talking to ghosts? It’s very stirring. I highly recommend it. That and Doctor Who.

I have also made a lot more time for reading recently, and embarked on the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes, finishing A Study In Scarlet within a week. Also high fun; another thing to add to the bank of things that I like, and that make up what it means to be me.

Next on the agenda, some indulgent mooching to the sound of Lana Del Rey, who I am enjoying a lot at the moment, at my own surprise. I look forward to more discoveries and more time that feels well spent. I already feel more relaxed and wholesome, and like I’m achieving more with my time. Doing less can be so efficient!

I think the yearning for this time has come from not being single for very long periods for about seven years. “Yep, that’ll do it.” There is something wonderful about having the companionship of a partner you can rely on, someone you know you’re going home to see every night. But actually, I realised I am taking a lot for granted here. I may see my partner every night, but we don’t actually see each other anymore. We don’t hang out. We get in after late shifts and sleep, get up just in time for early shifts and say goodbye. If he had his own key, I’m pretty sure we would not even get up to say hello or goodbye most of the time. And of course, all the time you’re in someone else’s company, (for me that has, until yesterday, been all day every day until I fall asleep) you are making compromises with your time. You are combining your priorities with someone else’s. Your desires may happily coincide, or they may not. You may not particularly feel wowed by their suggestion to watch Aliens tonight, but you think, “Yeah alright, as long as you stay awake to turn it off.” Boom – the sound, sights and intellectual engagement that Aliens demands (I have it on good, medical, authority that watching films is actually a productive activity) are in your space until you fall asleep. And probably for a little while after that. I am taking control of this time. The times I would be saying, “Yeah, why not,” I am suggesting things that are inherently more exciting because they’re not done out of habit.

Anyway, Enjoy Yourself.