Letters I Should Have Sent #4

Dear Liam,

I know you’re hurting, but the way you’re dealing with it is starting to hurt me. Perhaps you could find another coping method.

You are not a born actor. At this point, I think it is safe to say you are never going to be a trained actor either. You cannot perfect convincing accents, seemingly not even your own. You look ridiculous in anything but your own natural hair (short, clean-shaven.) You do unforgivably cheesy things like the Titanic hand-on-the-steamed-glass that makes an unwelcome appearance in Chloe.

I am sure you are a very nice man. I even used to like you on-screen. I thought you might make a lovely husband or father-figure. But I can no longer take you seriously. And I certainly can never forgive you for Batman Begins. Whoever cast you as a mustachioed ninja was clearly on whatever drug it is they were trying to depict in the film if they thought it was going to work with impact.

Please do what you do best and stick to small, occasional roles in which you play amicable, homely gentlemen, such as in Love Actually.

So, if you can bear it, please stop doing this




and even more than that, this

A drifting fan


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