Letters I Should Have Sent #3

Dear anonymous fitness centre,

Tonight, I attended your establishment in the hope of engaging in your (by my previous experience, very rigorous and rewarding) circuits class. (Perhaps this tremendous assault of hormone release would turn my life around?)

Going by the times on your website, I arrived for 6pm on Tuesday. Oh what facetious error! On arriving at this time I was told, quite abruptly, by the lady at the front desk, that the information on the website was wrong and that ‘the sign on my desk’ was correct.

Now, forgive me for being simple, your kind humblenesses, but I do believe it would have been impossible for me to see said sign on the desk had I not physically come into the centre. And I don’t believe it was my fault that the information on the (your) website was different. And I can imagine that anyone looking up your veritable institution as an outsider, perhaps one visiting from, say, Worksop, may not have the opportunity to physically be in your reception area in advance of their actual visit for circuits class.

Are you an exclusive (members only) institution? Must one be born into a line of relatives allowed access to the centre? I have never heard of such a place, though I can imagine that they may exist. (Anything’s possible, isn’t it?) This might have accounted for the spiky nature of the aforementioned lady of the desk. If this is the case, I do apologise – I have never been one to trespass onto private property. Not once have I stepped on the grass when instructed not to.

I was however dismissed in confusion as to what had gone wrong and what could I do about it next time?

… And so I would like to suggest, as a progressive step, in order that you don’t have any more hassle from strays like myself wandering in and naively asking to join your circuits class, that perhaps you might post a notice to that effect on your website, or make it password-protected or something. Yes, that’s a good idea. Perhaps that.

Happy Thursday,


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