Drinking hot toddy and listening to Feist. Got a bit emotional last night seeing Andrew Lloyd Webber get teary-eyed at the 25th Anniversary of Phantom of the Opera, just thinking about how it must feel to be within such an overwhelming crowd of people celebrating something you created in such glorious grandeur. Quite something.

Still thinking about an idea that came up this week but that I hadn’t written about because I still haven’t found the answer; Is it possible to win on someone else’s terms? Is that still a win? I watched a film last night that centered around a couple that fought like mad dogs, and sounded (surely, I thought) on the brink of an imminent break-up, but then had tender moments in what appeared to be a routine they took back and forth between the two. Seemingly mutually consentual. I wonder how many couples do this. How many know where they stand in the battles? And in the war?

It happens in friendships too. You don’t have to shout. People neglect each other all the time. If you can keep up the fight for a long period of time, surely you’re well matched in a certain respect. There’s got to be an element of choice in there somewhere, even if one person appears to be the victim. You’re letting it happen. You’ve decided to be there, doing this, with them? I suppose it’s all in their heads, who’s winning. There might be an obvious winner from the inside, there might be one from the outside. I suppose… you know who’s winning. And if you’re still there, allowing it, surely it’s you.

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