What I am

Reading Creative Visualization, I am tickled. One of the three necessary elements of your self-assigned goals is Acceptance.

“Are you really willing to have what you are asking for?”

I look back and laugh at myself yearning for things and people that actually, if they happened to me, I would run away from. Boys I’ve been embarrassed to admit I liked – warning sign, maybe? Clothes that wouldn’t suit me. I am so unaware of my true self and style – people see what they want suiting me, and decide who I am, and I always feel I should rebel against those judgements. Recommendations, ‘Hey, try this’, fine. Implications, ‘You’ll love this’. Will I now?

Here’s a list of things I know I love, and am. This girl has been: an acrobat, a pianist (albeit only for a few lessons), a writer, an editor, an actress, a director, a producer, a good listener, a masseuse, a life model, a dancer, a singer, an A student, one of a few writers of an underground magazine.

This girl will be, whatever comes to her when she gets her head on right. Taking each day as it comes.

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One thought on “What I am

  1. I know what you mean about implications.

    Similar that, for me, is when people say “I know what you’re like”, or just “I know YOU”, when they barely know you at ALL outside a certain context. About two years ago my boss at Banks Music said this to me, and he hardly ever associated with me at all, largely because he didn’t understand anything about the work I did. So for him to come out and say “I know you” was, for me, insulting.

    Proof of how little he knew me was to be seen later on when he tried to offer me a pay rise to alleviate my discontent at how several employees had been treated. I turned it down on the basis that I couldn’t accept it unless my colleagues also had the same increase in pay, or it would create an inequitable pay structure. He was absolutely shocked!

    There are people who know you, and your boss is very rarely one of them.

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