Need to realise that when listening to music on Youtube, it is allowed not to watch the video as well. I can physically get up and do other things. If the curtain being open after dusk bothers me that much, I can go and close it, and Ed Harcourt’s ‘All Of Your Days Will Be Blessed’ will not cease to exist.
Santa, if you’re listening, I would like some clothes that used to belong to Imogen Heap or Zoey Deschanel.
I have my role model, I have my mentor. I am now keeping a diary of food, mood, and physical changes, to identify the causes of my meltdowns so I can target them.
Down to two-three really bad attacks a week for the past two weeks. New instructions from doc – self-help books. Maybe meds, if I change my mind, or if things don’t progress in the next month.
Realisations: I am not alone, in a number of ways. I have a wealth of support from all of you, my devoted lovely friends and family, and a few regular readers – hello! But also, I cannot heal on my own. I am a co-dependent being and need those around me to be good and happy and moving forward too. I am going to surround myself with positive influences, including people, like my good Finnish friend who introduced me to the Cheese Girls phenomenon.
… and Imogen Heap, whose old video blog is giving me something to do for a little bit of time each day that makes me smile.
I am here for all of you as much as you are for me; I need you to heal and develop with me, which is why I am such a busybody sometimes, and I apologise for when that gets annoying, but it makes me what I am.